It is not often as adults that we put ourselves in new situations, ask ourselves to move outside our comfort zone, or force ourselves to learn a new skill. Entering a room of “others” is a daunting task at the best of times. We hope it’s going to go OK, that we won’t be judged harshly. Add to that the fact that you are going to be forced to do some public speaking and truly, it is enough to make any grown-up cry. Getting up in front of your peers is an act of courage.
Even if you are bad at it.
The "Be More Confident" Paradox
When getting feedback, adult learners often get this one one piece of advice, “be more confident.” Yet, asking someone to be “more confident” is like asking a blade of grass to be more like a tree. A blade of grass has no more knowledge of how to be a tree than a new teacher knows how to “be more confident” (whatever that means).
Your lack of confidence isn’t the problem. The advice is. Like many well-meaning mentors, teachers will often fall back on old tropes like “be more confident.” But, that advice is not helpful. How can you be more of something you are not?
It is OK to not be confident. It is OK. You do not have to be more than you are. Be nervous and jittery. It is OK.
How to "Be More Confident"
Confidence comes with competence. The more you understand, the better equipped you feel. The better equipped you are, the more you can offer. You gain confidence as your competence improves. Your competence improves through study and practice.
So truly, the best advice is; get comfy with being bad. Because, doing something well is not a matter of doing it right. It is about allowing yourself to be bad at it.
So, "Fail Better!"
In each new training I tell our participants, “Get up here and fail spectacularly, please. This is the best place to be really, really bad at what you do, so jump in and blow it!”
You will find that, despite your discomfort, you will live to see another day. And you are teaching yourself the vital skill of how to try again.
If you are not confident. That is OK. You are here and you are trying.
That will be enough for today.
Comments